Saturday, October 20, 2012

Reflection and A Glimpse of What Will Come

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately which is only natural when you are about to turn another year older.  I've been thinking about me - the things I like, the things I would like to change, the things I need to let go of, how to move forward and what stops me from doing it.  I came to the conclusion that I can't move forward hanging on to the past and fears.  I have to let things go and move on.  Its time to finally make the changes I want to see within myself and stop letting fear hold me down and start living my life fully.  So before my birthday, before the end of another day, and before fear can grip me anymore, I am declaring the changes I will make in my life.

I am letting go of fear.  I am tired of it holding me down, stopping me in my tracks, and making me quit before I ever begin things.  I am tired of the devil using fear against me to keep me away from being closer to God.  I am tired of fear making me feel unworthy, unpretty, and stuck.  Fear is a weapon from the devil that he uses against you to make you feel like you can't do anything.  I have let the devil use this against me for far too long.  I've been afraid to try things, afraid to be myself, afraid to be bold for Christ, and afraid to live life fully.  No more though!  I won't let the devil hold fear over my head.  I am going to try new things, try to do the things I have been wanting to try for awhile, be myself no matter what - quirks and all, speak out for Christ because I am forever grateful that He was willing to die on the cross for this sinner, and live my life fully being present in every moment and enjoying the little things because they pass by way too quick.  I'm done with fear and I know that my God is bigger than any fear that the devil can try and hold over me.

I am letting go of the 45 extra pounds that I have been carrying around for the last 3 years.  I wish just letting go of them made them literally fall off your body, but sadly it doesn't.  I accept responsibility for every one of those 45 pounds.  I made the decisions that lead me to put on the weight, keep it on, and be lazy about exercising and eating right to get rid of them.  They didn't hop on to my body overnight and they won't fall off overnight.  I will have to work hard to get rid of them and make good choices to show myself that I do love myself and I do want to take care of myself.  I need to face the truth that I am a foodie and I love cooking, baking, and recipes, but I can make wise decisions concerning these areas and lose weight while being a foodie.  I also have to start exercising regularly to make my body healthier, stronger, and tone it up.  I know it will hurt for a little while, but it won't kill me and they say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Lastly, I am giving some of my relationships over to God.  I don't know what to do about these few relationships anymore and I have cried enough tears over them.  I have tried many different things with these relationships, but nothing has changed in them.  So now I am giving them over to God.  Only He knows what is supposed to happen with them and I can't sit around feeling hurt, wounded, and abandoned by these relationships anymore.  I have so many people that love me and want to have a relationship with me that I can't keep hanging on to and chasing relationships that aren't there.  I have a husband who loves me, kids that love me, family that loves me, and friends who love me.  I can't keep waiting for people to have a relationship with me that have made it clear they don't want to work on the relationship.  It hurts, but no wound is too big for God.

These are the things I am working on.  I am going to embrace them and embrace myself.  I'm tired of being stuck so I am clinging to God and moving on.  In Exodus, God told Moses "I AM WHO I AM."  He then went on to explain to Moses that He knew every single thing that would happen to the Israelites and what would happen as they left Egypt.  He told Moses that His hand was in it all.  Wow, to think that God has His hand in everything I do.  That is a huge promise.  God has everything planned out for me and He has His hand in it all.  That is all the comfort I need to reach out and grab on to that hand and let it hold me.  Nothing is too big for my God, nothing.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

MIA - The Truth

I know, I know it has been way too long since I sat down and blogged last.  We have been a B-U-S-Y family and the truth is that I have sat down many times to blog, but I have gotten sidetracked.  I think I should blog about something and then I think, no, no one would care about that.  I make excuses about how it is too hard to get blogger to cooperate with my Ipad and I will just take care of it later.  I think I don't really have the time to sit down in the basement on the big, old dinosaur computer and put together something resembling a post.  The truth is I was avoiding blogging because of fear.  Fear that I had nothing good to say, fear that no one would read what I wrote, and fear that my little ol' blog just doesn't matter.  Then it hit me and this will sound rude, but I don't blog for anyone else.  I blog for me to clear the clutter rolling around in my head.  I blog to share something cool I have seen, heard, or learned and although I hope people do read my blog, I usually blog expecting that no one will read it.  When I sat down and thought about it, my fear seemed silly because I had been putting my expectations on everyone else's opinions and thoughts and not remembering that I blog first and foremost for me.  So I am sorry if that all sounded rude, but I have to remember the reason I blog in the first place.

Now that you know the truth, let me also explain what we have been busy with.  First we are starting our 10th week of school this week.  We love our new curriculum, Sonlight.  It has been a blessing to just be able to open my teacher's manual and know exactly what we will be doing on any given day.  It has also been a blessing to sit down and work with Buddy Bear through his day.  He is really enjoying our new curriculum and has been doing very well at it.  He still has his days that he grumbles about school, but who doesn't have that?

The other big project we have been busy with is our new Homeschool Group at our church.  Last year at the end of the school year, one of the private schools that several of our church children attended ended up having to close down.  It was sad because it was a school that served all grades and its closing meant that parents had to make a decision about school all over again.  While we were praying about this my hubby had an idea to broaden our homeschool group that met at the church for gym and some field trips.  His idea that he started praying about was a group that met for all the homeschool families in our church to have classes, field trips, gym, and more much like a co-op.  The response to starting a group like this was outstanding and the ideas just flowed in.  So far we have had 2 meetings.  We gather for at least one day a month and then we have some field trips planned too.  The parents have suggested classes and we volunteer to teach the classes that we decided will be taught at the gatherings.  The possibilities are endless for a group like this and we are so excited that it has come together so well.  Our group is so much fun and while it is a lot of work behind the scenes planning and preparing, it is well worth it and I am happy that our church has embraced our Homeschool Group.

Other things going on around here have been pretty minor but time consuming.  I am trying really hard to get back into my FLYLady Routines.  If you haven't heard of the FLYLady or don't use her routines, I highly recommend them and they are definitely worth "googling."  I hurt my back at the end of summer and have had to nurse that back to health with the help of many chiropractor appointments.  I believe that was all God getting my attention and showing me some things I really needed to work on.  Maybe I will post about it one day.  Baby Bear had a birthday or two or three.  Okay, she didn't have three birthdays, but she did have three parties.  My kids tend to luck out that way and it always seems that we plan a party for them and someone can't make it so they throw a party too.  This year Baby Bear lucked out and my sister-in-law's family loves her too and they decided she needed another party just for her and threw her an absolutely wonderful, magical, and precious Princess Tea Party.  I will have to post about that for sure because it was really special.  Other than all that we have been busy with church events, House Party parties (I'll post how I got to party and become the proud owner of Keurig Vue Brewer), and hanging out with family and friends.  Our life has been pretty busy, but it is always good because God is in control.